I'm in pain. It's beyond time for my operation/procedure to be done

Maybe it's time that I be selfish.

Why is this looking like de ja vous? On my behalf all I can say is I'm through. The scenario is nothing new.

It's funny how feelings can easily change...

If a man does not keep pace w/ his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
-HENRY DAVID THOREAU
(american author)

It's funny how some people try to re-enter your life...

..I think I'm being tested.

laughter

This morning I went with my brother and my dad to get my brother's new glasses. After that we went to some pizza place in California Club and went to the movies there as well. We saw Stepbrother...GARBAGE. If I was the one who paid I'd be hot. I'd want my money back cuz that movie was lame.

Why does laughter seem like a temporary cure. At the moment it erases everything. Once the show is over, you're back to reality. And somehow it hits me harder each time.

I need a plan! I've been reconsidering the military lately. Who knows, I could leave and cme back a better person. Or I could come back as even more of an emotional wreck. All I know is imma get all my info together and weigh out the pros and cons. There's already those who snicker at the thought of ME being in any of the military branches. But for me that's even more of a reason to do it. Prove the fan base wrong and for them to always remember, I'm never what you think I am.

It's not a simple task to give definition to something you didn't create. Especially when that "something" is a human being. We change. Constantly. Some of it makes us a better person, some of it makes us worse. Either way change cannot be avoided. Two... we are multi-faceted creatures. Yes creatures! Whatever you see in me, know that there's always more.

If you really want to get to know me, close your eyes... and... listen
I ask that you not be distracted by what you see or what you think you see
Empathize with me
When it's time for you to open your eyes and look at me, try
To see light through my eyes
I ask that you don't make excuses for me, or feel sorry for me
Just help
Me
To be a better person
I ask that you don't fault me for what I don't know
Teach me

I guess this is the withdrawl stage from the LG brand. I hate it but it is what it is.

I still love, but I've let go.
It doesn't hurt anymore.

Anyone who thinks games fly with me needs to be slapped! U know who u are...
Moving on, anyone watching this Uncle Luke shit??? CRAZY!

Sleep is forbidden
-DIDDY

Wanna hear something crazy? Nanny calls the house to speak w/ me to tell me she had a dream... Then asks if I'm pregnant. :(

I could use a lot of discipline. I'm watching Diddy's show and wish I were a contestant. I believe there's plenty I could gain from such a person

i miss my baby

I wonder if I ever cross his mind?
Does he think about me and miss me the way that I miss him?
I wonder what I look like through his eyes...
Do I bring joy or add to the misery?
In his eyes am I long term or is it short term?
When he's having a rough day and could do with a back rub, and someone to tell him everything will be ok, does he with that were me?
When he closes his eyes to go to sleep, does he wish I were there?

palm beach

Last night/early this morning I was in Palm Beach. Which part? I don't know. You're asking the wrong person. All I know is that we went past Lake Worth. What was the purpose of being there? Not sure of that either. I'm guessing we were at the house of my stepdad's family or family friends. We didn't do much which probably was due to arriving so late. Everyone else ate. I wasn't in the mood. I mostly watched videos and talked to my brother.

What a waste of gas... We probably stayed for like 2 hours max then went back home. On the way home all I could think about is him. Since last Wednesday things haven't been the same. At least they don't feel the same. Maybe he's just in a mood cuz of his car being towed which is reasonable. Or maybe he's given up. On me.

I hope not though. Cuz I still love him. Even though I think that at this point we might be better off as friends. At least for the moment so that there's no pressure. As much as I'd like for things to work out I can't force it. And I can't do it all by myself. He needs to make the effort too. And if he feels how he claims t feel about me, he should stop making excuses. Only then will there be progress.